Personality and Parenting : Is Enneagram Still Relevant to This?
Parenting isn’t complete unless it has a sour aftertaste. Parents strive to provide the greatest possible environment for their children. For their growth and development, many methods are used, such as attending seminars on how to raise children, consulting with specialists, attending gatherings, and so on. This is referred to as parenting. However, there are other ways to interpret the term parenting. Parenting is defined as the process, method, or act of parenting in the KBBI lexicon. Meanwhile, professionals have their own perspectives on parenting, such as David D. Burns MD, a professor at the University of South Florida’s college of psychology, who claims that it is a continual process of interaction that affects not only children, but also adults. In addition, Jane B Brooks, the author of The Process of Parenting, defines parenting as a series of acts and interactions that parents engage in to assist their children’s growth. Moreover, the Indonesian Ministry of Education and Culture defines parenting as the process of contact between parents and children with the purpose of fostering physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual growth of children from conception to adulthood [1]. So, to summarize, parenting encompasses a wide range of attitudes, expectations, and behaviors of parents towards raising children (Darling & Steinberg, 1993). Social and cultural values in which the family lives, characteristics such as socioeconomic status and the child’s gender affect the attitudes of parents towards their children (Şahin & Özyürek, 2008).
As parents, they have their own ways of educating their children. In parenting, there are several types that can define their actions. Following the research of psychologist Diana Baumrind, she distinguishes it into four types, such as :
- Authoritarian Parenting
Basically, this parenting style emphasizes full control on parents so that children do not have freedom in the process of choosing for their lives. Punishments and sanctions are normal things to have a deterrent effect on their children without a clear reason.
2. Authoritative Parenting
This parenting style is the opposite of authoritarian parenting. If authoritarian parenting is dominated by parental orders as well as all punishments and sanctions, authoritative parenting emphasizes more on two-way teaching and is more democratic. Children are free to choose their will even though their parents have high expectations for them. Parents are also wiser in accepting the failure of their children.
3. Permissive Parenting
Permissive parenting, in simple terms, is a parenting style that contributes to authoritative parenting, but discipline and control are very rarely applied to them. Parents do not expect mature behavior from their children and often place themselves as friends over parents.
4. Uninvolved Parenting
The last parenting style is uninvolved parenting. In this parenting, parents are not at all involved and at the same time responsive to the spiritual needs of their children even though their physical needs are met. They do not provide direction, advice, prohibition and encouragement, or emotional support for children. In severe cases, parents don’t even want to have anything to do with their children and do not fulfill their basic needs [2].
In Indonesia, citing a study conducted by Universitas Airlangga with a sample of early marriage mothers of East Martapura, South Kalimantan, Indonesia, most common parenting style of mothers who married early is authoritative parenting style (54.6%). This is followed by authoritarian (32.7%), and permissive (12.7%) parenting styles. Because parents consistently explain the reasoning behind every prohibition and advice, children raised under authoritative parenting approach have a good chance of growing up to be law-abiding citizens without coercion. The authoritative parenting style is also regarded as one of the most effective in producing successful adults. In addition, the youngsters are confident and at ease when expressing their thoughts in front of others. Finally, because children are accustomed to considering the risks, benefits, and drawbacks of each thing from childhood, this parenting practice can help children grow up happier and smarter in making judgments [3].
Humans’ personalities have a significant impact on how they go about their daily lives. Referring to the concept proposed by western experts, personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Personality is influenced and shaped by the environment in which humans interact and the life experiences they experience. The thesis was born through physical observation and excavation, namely by means of repeated studies of a number of different people and in different conditions and situations [4].
In determining parenting styles, parents also usually find out what can be done according to their wishes. This method is done so that the potential of children can develop properly. There is one approach taken by parents, namely the Enneagram of Personality. The Enneagram is a personality test tool created in 1997 by Don Richard Riso and developed by Russ Hudson [5]. The Enneagram (pronounced any-a-gram) is a tool consisting of nine points that depict personality styles. While most personality assessments group people based on how they act, the Enneagram groups people based on why they act that way [6]. It is a tool that can be integrated into theoretical counseling approaches to better serve the therapeutic relationship and is adaptable to the unique personality of each client. Even though Enneagram personality types primarily attempt to explain personality traits through natural temperament features, it does not neglect the influence of the environment.
Application of the enneagram in parenting helps them to see why their children behave the way they do. Each Enneagram type has a set of basic beliefs that consistently motivate specific actions and guide them to make specific decisions [7]. As a result, parents may effortlessly direct their children without having to intervene. Some people, however, continue to have reservations about this method. “Is it real?” “How accurate would it be?” “Does it genuinely work?”
Anna Sutton did a study on the implementation of the enneagram and she found some validity in the practice.
- The personality types described by the Enneagram can be clearly differentiated from each other using other established personality measures. (For an example, see the table which summarises findings on the Big Five.)
Summary of the Enneagram Type scores on the Big Five Three studies used the Big Five (Sutton, 2007, Newgent et al., 2004, Brown and Bartram, 2005) to investigate the Enneagram types, which means that we can start to see what trait profile is typical for each of the nine types. The following are brief definitions of the traits. It’s important to remember that no Enneagram type is “better” or “worse” than the others, and various scores on these attributes aren’t either.
- Extraversion: The higher the score, the more outgoing, friendly, and confident the person is, whereas the lower the score, the more reserved, independent, and private the person is.
- Agreeableness: Higher levels show that people are trusting, altruistic, and will likely to go along with others around them, while lower scores indicate that people are more sceptical, self-focused, and tough-minded
- Conscientiousness: Those at the top are more responsible, organized, and disciplined, whereas those at the bottom are more disorganized and spontaneous.
- Emotional Stability: High scores indicate people are secure, calm and unflappable while lower scores indicate people are excitable, emotionally reactive and alert.
- Openness to Experience: People scoring high on this trait tend to be curious, liberal and novelty-seeking, while those at the lower end are more practical and conservative.
- Enneagram personality questionnaires like the RHETI and WEPSS are reasonably reliable but we should still be cautious about their validity. That means, we’re likely to get the same results on different occasions but there’s no guarantee that’s really our type.
- Though there are some minor variances, the types are rather evenly dispersed in the population.
- Trained interviewers are fairly excellent at typing people, but not as good as they think they are!
- It may seem obvious, but the best way to make an accurate decision on a person’s type is by a combination of good knowledge of the person and good knowledge of the Enneagram. Just one or the other won’t do.
- Once people identify their type, it seems to be very stable.
- There is strong evidence that knowing about the Enneagram improves self-acceptance, self-development, and interpersonal comprehension [8].
The implementation of the enneagram in parenting is exciting as watching paint dry. To strengthen this argument, there is some evidence that parental attitude effects personality traits. In a study conducted by Sezer (2010), It is observed that children who grow up in a democratic family are self-confident individuals who can establish healthy relationships with others and have a sense of responsibility. Aditionally, This is reinforced by the findings of Baydar, Küntay, Gökşen, Yağmurlu, & Cemalcılar, (2010) that healthy parental attitude contributes to the development of the child in emotional, cognitive and relational competence area. Moreover, In a meta-synthesis study on parental attitudes, it was found that authoritative and overprotective parental attitude had a negative effect on children, while a democratic and accepting attitude had a positive effect (Sümer, Gündoğdu Aktürk, & Helvacı, 2010). As a result, it was discovered that there is a link between perceived parental attitude and personality characteristics. The Enneagram personality structure is predicted to be present in this connection.
Children are supported, invested in, and expected to act in a certain way when their parents have an emotional warmth parent attitude. Children raised in such an environment are anticipated to develop a positive disposition. In fact, having a peacemaker, helpful, achiever, challenger, and explorer personality is an expected outcome. However, it is an unexpected result that the rejecting parental attitude is not related to personality traits. Indeed, it is believed that children who grow up with a rejecting parental attitude will be unable to develop a healthy personality since they will be unable to meet their desire for affection [9].
All in all, It has been discovered that parental attitudes have a significant impact on a child’s personality. As a result, parents should receive training in child care. For suggestion, parents are advised to implement a democratic parenting style so that children develop better outcomes.
References
[1] Definisi dan Pendapat Para Ahli tentang Pengasuhan (Parenting). Pusat Kemandirian Anak. (2018). Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://pusatkemandiriananak.com/definisi-dan-pendapat-para-ahli-tentang-pengasuhan-parenting/.
[2] Putri, N. (2020). Parenting Adalah Pola Asuh Anak, Kenali 4 Jenisnya. SehatQ. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://www.sehatq.com/artikel/parenting-alias-pola-asuh-anak-terbagi-4-jenis-anda-yang-mana.
[3] Ikhtiar, I., Adi, A., & Putri, A. Parenting Style in Early Marriage Mothers in Indonesia. repository.unair.ac.id. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://repository.unair.ac.id/90634/1/Parenting%20Style%20in%20Early%20Marriage%20Mothers%20in%20Indonesia.pdf.
[4] Silahudin, A. (2018). Perbandingan Konsep Kepribadian Menurut Barat Dan Islam. ejournal.uin-suska.ac.id. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from http://ejournal.uin-suska.ac.id/index.php/al-fikra/article/view/6343/3713.
[5] Lapod, A. (2020). Mengenal 9 Tipe Kepribadian Menurut Enneagram, Kamu yang Mana?. Kumparan. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://kumparan.com/kumparanwoman/mengenal-9-tipe-kepribadian-menurut-enneagram-kamu-yang-mana-1uH1Db4O14T.
[6] Shove, T. What Your Enneagram Type Says About Your Parenting Style — Parent Cue. Parent Cue. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://theparentcue.org/what-your-enneagram-type-says-about-your-parenting-style/.
[7] Owens, M. What Is the Enneagram of Personality?. Truity. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://www.truity.com/enneagram/what-is-enneagram.
[8] Sutton, A. (2012). “But is it real?” A Review of Research on the Enneagram. E-space.mmu.ac.uk. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from https://e-space.mmu.ac.uk/583471/2/Research%20on%20the%20Enneagram%20formatted.pdf.
[9] Yelpaze, İ. (2016). View of The Determinants of Enneagram Personality: Horoscopes vs Parental Attitude. Ijci.wcci-international.org. Retrieved 9 March 2022, from http://ijci.wcci-international.org/index.php/IJCI/article/view/841/447.