Single Mother: Raising Children Without Father Roles
The number of single mothers has increased from year to year. One of the main reasons why it’s increasing is because of the Covid-19 pandemic. Another reason why a woman must be the head of the family is because of divorce, when the husband is not the primary breadwinner because he is disabled or has lost his work, the husband goes without providing an income for an extended period, and he is not married but has family duties. There are also women whose husbands are unable to fulfill their role as family head owing to polygamy, unemployment, or illness [1].
Based on a survey by the Central Statistics Agency (BPS) in 2020, there are around 11.44 million women who are heads of families in Indonesia. This figure increased about 30% when compared to a similar survey in 2016. Tragically, based on data from women who were advocated by Pekka (Pemberdayaan Perempuan Kepala Keluarga/Empowerment of Women as Heads of Families), the welfare of widows during the Covid-19 pandemic has worsened in 1.400 villages in 20 provinces, i.e. 95% of women that become heads of families who work in the informal sector and almost half of them earn less than IDR 500 thousand a month [2]. This is an obstacle for women as heads of families, which must meet a juggling role to fulfill the psychological needs of children and fulfill the needs of daily life.
Single Mothers are Commonly Stigmatized and Unrecognized
A woman as the head of the family is more similar to known as “Janda” (meaning: widow) in Indonesia. Referring to KBBI, Janda/Widow is a woman who is no longer married because of divorce or because her husband has died. Being widows in Indonesia are frequently stigmatized and given a negative connotation. This is due to the male gaze’s attachment to the representation of women’s image in the media. The male gaze is a condition where women in the media are seen from the point of view of men, the “male gaze” invokes the sexual politics of the gaze and suggests a sexualized way of looking that empowers men and objectifies women. In the male gaze, a woman is visually positioned as an “object” of heterosexual male desire. Her feelings, thoughts, and her own sexual drives are less important than her being “framed” by male desire [3]. Male gaze itself can be seen in film, literature, and music that are demeaning women as a widow. In male gaze perspective, a widow is frequently shown as a sexual object, a weak helpless woman, or to become the third person in a relationship.
Ironically, as a result of the negative stigma of the widows, they are frequently not getting recognition as the head of the household in the eyes of Indonesians. According to Mia Siscawati, a lecturer in the Gender Studies Program at the School of Strategic and Global Studies at the University of Indonesia, said that “Women as heads of families are often considered absent or unrecognizable in some contexts. At certain times, for example, during elections or when there is assistance, they are made to benefit other parties. But it’s not to acknowledge its existence”. This situation was heightened during the Covid-19 pandemic. These women are often ignored and still have to fend for themselves to make ends meet. “The impact is felt for women who are heads of families. Because they have to fend for themselves in a crisis situation,” said Director of Yayasan Program Pemberdayaan Perempuan Kepala Keluarga (Pekka), Nani Zulminarni [1].
Single Mothers Poverty Affects Their Children Education
Living as a single mother in Indonesia is exceedingly challenging, especially in the midst of a pandemic. A single mother is faced with numerous issues and must make all of the critical decisions on her own. Komisi Nasional (Komnas) Perempuan Commissioner, Rainy Hutabarat, confirmed that many women as heads of families had their economies slumped due to the Covid-19 pandemic. This is recorded from the Komnas Perempuan survey on household dynamics during the 2020 Covid-19 Pandemic. In the survey, according to Rainy, the majority of female heads of households have a heavier burden because they have to take care of their children at home. while working to meet the daily needs which increased. These additional needs include buying personal protective equipment (PPE), internet quota, and cell phones for children to use when studying online (PJJ). The decline in the welfare of single mothers during the pandemic also affects the fate of their children’s education. This was stated by the Director of Yayasan Perempuan Kepala Keluarga (Pekka) Fitria Villa Sahara, “The decline in the welfare of women that become heads of household also has an impact on the education of their children. Many children cannot continue their education because there is no money” [2].
Theresia Moleh, a single mother, is one such example. Due to her husband’s divorce, Theresia has been a single mother since 2015. Theresia, who was having a job as a tour guide has to change her profession into an online food merchant because of the pandemic situation that has canceled many tourism industries. Theresia, a mother of one daughter, was facing a difficult situation, whereas she had to redeem his daughter’s diploma, who graduated from high school in mid-2020. At that time, she had just started a business and her income was still limited. Fortunately, the school was willing to provide a month’s waiver. “If I don’t pay the money for tuition, my daughter will not receive her diplomas and report cards from school. As soon as I have money, I immediately pay them off, because if my daughter didn’t receive her document it would be hard for her to go to work,” she said. Theresia had the intention of sending her only daughter to college. However, she has not been able to collect tuition fees for her daughter. While waiting for her mom to collect the money, her daughter is now working to lighten the burden of Theresia’s life.
Father’s Absence Leads Children to Have Low Self-Esteem
Economically disadvantaged children who do not have fathers present have shown to have lower levels of self-esteem compared to peers who do have fathers present, this would harm the development of children [4]. Self-esteem refers to a person’s overall sense of his or her value or worth. It can be considered a sort of measure of how much a person “values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself” (Adler & Stewart, 2004) [5]. A child of a single mother is often seen as a mentally unstable child especially when they see their friends have a complete family they will become moody and insecure about themselves. This will cause children to develop low self-esteem until they become older.
Children with low self-esteem will portray a certain behavior like uncertainty, often feeling confused about themselves, shy, modest, submitting readily to other people’s influence, and lacking confidence in themselves. Moreover, Sheslow said that children with low self-esteem tend to be overly critical, “exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over. They tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves. Kids with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions, and a sense of pessimism predominates” (Sheslow, 2008).
The Struggling Between Multiple Roles
According to the facts on the ground, single mothers in Gampong Birem Puntong have a series of challenges in raising their children. Single mothers are concerned about family finances, therefore they must work alone while providing for their children’s education and nurturing them [6]. According to the research, a single parent’s financial situation mostly is a lower-middle-class family where a single parent must meet the needs of their children even under difficult circumstances. There are numerous efforts made by single parents in meeting the needs of these children, there are hustling side work, loans, and regular social gathering/lottery club (arisan).
A single parent must fulfill two roles. Act as both a father and a mother. Juggling between two roles is not an easy matter. The condition’s demand will be a burden that can cause stress, and if left, it will affect mental health (Fitria et al., 2021).
How to Get Away from Misery
To escape from poverty, a woman as the head of the family needs a support system, whether it is from an extended family or community so she can comfortably earn a living. For example Pekka (Yayasan Perempuan Kepala Keluarga) collaborated with the Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection and a few regional governments by distributing social aid throughout the pandemic to help single mothers in Indonesia. Another example is from a community in Indonesia which is Single Moms Indonesia (SMI). SMI was initiated to support single mothers in Indonesia on September 8 2014 by Maureen Hitipeum who’s a single mother by divorce. SMI was initiated to support single mothers in Indonesia by creating a safe zone and a stigma-free community for single moms. SMI has values to empower single mothers. By joining the SMI Community, its members can inspire one another to rise and rebuild families. According to Maureen, if single mothers are empowered, they can create a better and happier life for themselves and their children [7].
Komnas Perempuan Commissioner, Rainy Hutabarat, offered some solutions to empower single moms in Indonesia, she said that it’s necessary to develop programs with a gender perspective so that women as the head of household are involved in discussing programs that boost their economy so their needs are accommodated and fulfilled. It is also important for the Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection to embrace more women’s organizations in the regions in developing economic empowerment programs for women as heads of household. She also asked that those religious institutions be involved in empowering women as heads of families so that those institutions will remove single mom stereotypes in Indonesia. Last but not least, single mothers in Indonesia require some respect to strengthen and raise their dignity.
Written by: Salsabila Nur Shabrina
EIEI’21
References:
[1] Krisiandi. (2020, August 4). Melihat Kondisi Perempuan kepala Keluarga Saat pandemi… Halaman all. KOMPAS.com. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://nasional.kompas.com/read/2020/08/04/07293301/melihat-kondisi-perempuan-kepala-keluarga-saat-pandemi?page=all
[2] Simbolon, C. D. (2021, October 12). Getir Perempuan single parent: Pandemi Adalah Masa Terberat. https://www.alinea.id/. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://www.alinea.id/nasional/getir-perempuan-single-parent-pandemi-adalah-masa-terberat-b2cCe97qZ
[3] Janice Loreck Teaching Associate in the School of Media. (2020, April 22). Explainer: What does the ‘male gaze’ mean, and what about a female gaze? The Conversation. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-does-the-male-gaze-mean-and-what-about-a-female-gaze-52486
[4] Kevorkian, C. (2010). Father absence and self-esteem amongst economically disadvantaged children.
[5] Contributors, W. M. D. E. (n.d.). Low self-esteem: What are the signs to look for and how to deal with it. WebMD. Retrieved February 9, 2022, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-low-self-esteem#:~:text=Low%20Self%2DEsteem-,What%20is%20Low%20Self%2DEsteem%3F,or%20letting%20other%20people%20down
[6] Sari, N. (2021). Coping strategy of a single mother in overcoming child inferiority attitude. INSPIRA: Indonesian Journal of Psychological Research, 2(2), 41–49
[7] kumparan, T. (2020, March 21). Komunitas Single Moms Indonesia, Saling Dukung sesama ibu tunggal. kumparan. Retrieved February 11, 2022, from http://kumparan.com/teman-kumparan/komunitas-single-moms-indonesia-saling-dukung-sesama-ibu-tunggal-1t3pc3wRDi4/full
[8] Novita, S. N. (2016). Upaya ibu sebagai single parent dalam memenuhi kebutuhan pendidikan anak studi single parent buruh tani di Nagari Aua Kuniang Kecamatan Pasaman Kabupaten Pasaman Barat (Doctoral dissertation, STKIP PGRI Sumatera Barat).